so this is the year i finally start my first job, i'm currently roughly 2 months into that whole gig and i'm starting to enter the "getting tired of it" phase where the initial enthusiasm has worn off near completely. i still enjoy it, but it's not something that i entirely look forward to doing. i've been talking to my brother anthony about it more, apparently it's likely going to go into september, october, and even november if this year turns out bad. i was planning on starting either my diploma for web development or my associates in graphic design by then, so to hear this is a bit of a blow to me, but i'm thinking of a different strategem.
my family's been looking at new places to move since this place has not been particularly kind to us in the last 2 years we've lived here. previously, we lived for 15 or so years at a duplex in cudahy, but now we live in an apartment in st francis. i've been hounding them for an area in/close to bay view/walker's point, but it doesn't seem all that possible. rental rates in those neighborhoods are typically steep for 3 bed+ (what my mom has been aiming for to placate me and tony) but i'd settle for a 2 bed if it's <$1.2k/month and near bay view.
speaking of which, i've been getting more active locally thanks to the general social habilitation that you guys have been doing for me. before, i rarely went out and enjoyed myself, but now there's a few places that have really stood out in my mind that have been real pleasures to visit, to meet people in, and to generally just consume from. coffee places are basically omnipresent here (collectivo, stone creek, anodyne, fiddleheads, the city market, valentine, to name several), and each of them have been a treat and a half. lion's tooth is a very cozy yet amazingly packed alternative to amazon/barnes and noble, dream lab is my favorite cafe ever (you can get ART SUPPLIES THERE WHAT THE FUCK), and i've been in talks with rush-mor records in terms of selling the cd to my second ep once that comes out.
speaking of that, that's a thing!! i've been working towards making a second ep since 2018 and i'm finally getting towards making that a reality! i've been trying to use my free time to the best of my abilities focusing on that, and so far i've gotten 2 out of 4 tracks started and worked through at least 2/3 of the way, so i'm feeling good about that.
in terms of finding myself and my identity, that's been a bit...hectic. in case you didn't know (most likely because i didn't really shared myself in greater detail up until this year) i have been searching my gender and sexual identity for the better part of 6 years now. i have been diagnosed with attention deficient hyperactivity disorder (adhd, at age 7) and high-function autism spectrum disorder (at age 3), the former of which lead to medication until age 12 and the latter somewhat leading me towards a fucked up childhood and adolescence. i won't get into the specifics of such, but let's just say i nearly went towards the path of toxicity 5 seperate times and did some shit that people who know me now would say is not me in the slightest.
anyway, this general peace in my life since then, the one that my final semester in high school had finally fully granted me with, has left me thinking more about who i am recently. in may, i had finally settled on being genderfluid after a period of being non-binary due to not really knowing which gender i was, and this month, i've been reflecting on my sexuality and have been really questioning whether or not i was bi or pan. it has really been an interesting time for me, as for the longest time i had considered myself as just a male. i didn't really think of it in more detail other than what genitalia i had. now that i'm an adult, however, there has been many more factors to consider: the biological factor, the mental factor, genetics, identity, history, and so on and so forth! idk what else to say other than if i had met myself at ages 7, 11, god forbid 14, they would scant recognize me lmao.
and it's all of these factors that bring me back to botb. even though i don't have nearly as much time as i had to be a part of this place, i'm still at the very least trying to be as attached to this place and have it be as integral to my life as it was a full year prior. it's because of this place that i have a revitalized love for making music and art; it's because of this place that i have been enveloping myself in the milwaukee music and art scene; it's because of this place that i've been finding myself after encounting so many people of so many walks of life. i don't aim to leave it anytime soon.
tl;dr: i'm genderfluid now also i have work