My relationship with music is constantly in flux. There is never a time when I don't love music, or do it as a career, and as a stress relief, a hobby, a meditative aid, a form of self-expression, and so on. However, my perspective on the role music "should" play in my current lifetime is always changing.
I was bitter for many years at the sorry state the music industry had gotten into, right about the time when I was beginning to gain the confidence and skill necessary to really do something "big". I've finally learned to accept that none of this was an accident and that there is a very good reason why I haven't "made it" (whatever that means today) yet, and may never.
My current perspective on the matter is that any sort of major commercial success that may cause a drastic change in lifestyle or attachments, at least for now, would derail all of my higher goals in life. I'm in the middle of a major test right now. Undergoing some profound changes in my consciousness as a result of the difficult things I've been facing. I know this probably sounds cryptic.
I'm writing a book about it.
Back on the subject more specifically, all I can really say is that, in hindsight, it appears that my lifelong compulsion to absorb and create music is tied to my lifelong compulsion to express and connect with Source/Creator/God. I do a lot of music for reasons other than that compulsion (such as my need to eat and pay bills), but that is the prime mover. That's what gets me out of bed every day. I'm so overjoyed to have reached my goal of making music my sole source of income. I certainly ain't rich, but I'm making it!
Sorry for the long-winded mystical whatever. This is me lately.